Trying to explain gender dysphoria to someone that is not plagued by it is like explaining how it feels like to be an adult to a child.
Not to mean--using the adult/child analogy--that being cisgendered makes you inferior--no, I am a whole-hearted believer that no one really is better than anyone else, but we are all just different, each with our own trading card set of strengths and weaknesses. And I subscribe, geeky fan-girl that I am, to the Breakfast-Club-esque idea that we each have our own set of problems, and even though we often think our own problems make us worse off than another person, the other person's circumstances and experience up until that point in their life make their problems just as hard on them as your problems are on you. I mean, no one gets upset with a three or four year old who cries because he can't find mommy--that's all he knows. I, on the other hand--and probably most of those reading--have not seen my mother in more than a year, would like to see if it could last at least one or two more years that way, and spend my time worrying about the obstacles laying on my own particular path, every once in a while sparing a thought to hope she is doing the same and not worrying about whether or not I'll make it into God's blessed Kingdom--Praise be to the Jesus guy and all his movie contracts and Superbowls!
That said, transsexuals have a lot on their plate that you should think about before daring to be judgemental and say someone should learn how to deal with "real" problems. That is, in fact, all they have been doing.
Here's the thing. Many of us transgender have basically been living our whole lives before transition in an unpleasant little box. Now I could label the box "Accepted Social Role" and blame society for putting us there, but the truth is we put ourselves in the box. It is a box named, "My Little Bunker." And we transgender often lock ourselves inside for 15, 20, 30, 40 years or more. I would say a large number of us avoid learning how to really deal with the world on our own terms, the way most people grow up and come to understand who they are by interacting with the world around them. Instead all of our interactions involve the box--people talking to the box and being friends with the box, dating the box and even sometimes marrying the box--without knowing what's actually inside because we've locked ourselves up too tight within.
So when you get to the coming out and transitioning stage, you are viewing a person that is coming out of a their little bunker, sometimes still under siege, suddenly standing up and saying, "You know what? I need to get out from behind this thing I built to protect me and just go experience life, even if it kills me." And as the person goes through with this decision, you should realize it took them an agonizing 15, 20, 30, 40 years or more to come to this decision. Believe me, experience shows its safer inside the box--safe like an unopened Christmas gift is safe--but there's no life there. Coming out of that, oh random internet viewing audience, has been a huge decision.
And once we are out, there are so many new experiences. We really are like that toddler wondering where Mama is sometimes, because the things we knew only from looking out from inside our safe little box are now so up close and personal, and often very stressful. And the whole gender dysphoria thing makes the whole thing even tougher. Because any physical features we attributed to our old gender remind us of the box, and sometimes makes us think, "Shit, well, I might as well go back to the box."
This is the easiest way I can describe it: Having gender dysphoria is like being incredibly fat--another thing I am quite familiar with, having been only 5'5" with 211 pounds only a year and a half ago. Now, its one the thing to be overweight, and even being a bit overweight is known to create self esteem issues. But being incredibly fat like that feels insurmountable. You feel terrible about yourself for letting yourself get so big, you feel horrible physically, and there's so much to do to change it that it feel's insurmountable. And finally, you just HATE the way you look. It's not that you're self-absorbed--you don't even have to look in a mirror to feel that way--all you have to do is look down and see your giant tummy--a symbol of your lack of self-control! It's a real confidence destroyer.
That is gender dysphoria--its like being incredibly fat--but the kicker is, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it without "coming out" to your family and friends--because they don't know there's a big fat person in the box who needs help. And when they find out, some of them will get mad that you're a big fat person that needs and wants to loose weight.
And 3 months after your 5th laser session, when you begin to see beard hairs growing again, its the same as being fat and following your diet and exercise plan to a T, but still gaining fat for some reason. But, gender dysphoria is even worse. Sometimes its like being incredibly fat and, instead of just feeling there is nothing you can do about it, there's literally not a single thing you are able to do about it. Because there really is nothing you can do about it without money, a support group, and serious medical intervention.
So that is the story of the transsexual. Its no easy road, either before or after transition. I'm not saying its the hardest road. I'm not saying its harder than yours. I'm just saying its just another thing another person might be dealing with--possibly the person at the check out counter, maybe your boss, maybe the person at school, possibly someone you love.
