Saturday, October 17, 2015

Is Transitioning a Priority for Trans Parents?--Revisited

It has been nearly a year since I made my blog post that asked the question: "Is transitioning a priority for trans parents?" That is a question I've asked myself repeatedly since before I began transitioning. Since writing the post--having come out of a divorce and nasty child custody battle in which my legal rights to spend time with my children were cut down to less than thirty percent--I still ask this question.

And the answer is always a resounding "Yes."

People that transition while having so many other responsibilities are typically only doing so for their health, to help themselves survive, so they can continue to handle their responsibilities--whatever they may be--including family.

I truly believe that transitioning is one of the most difficult things a grown adult can put themselves through. To anyone that is considering it, I tell them that if they are not sure about it, not to do it. It is only something to do if you are sure there is no possible way you can live and be happy without transitioning. Perhaps it shouldn't be that hard, or doesn't need to be... but it is. And the older you are, the more responsibilities you have, the more difficult it can be. Still, there are some that feel they must, like I did. And they end up being so much better for it.

But those people are often criticized. They are criticized, not only by the general public, but even sometimes by certain people within the transgender community. There may be a great amount of trans persons now that decided to transition before they became fettered with responsibility. There may be more inclusion under the umbrella for people that view themselves as genderfluid or bigender. Or there may even be people that transition just because it feels right, without having dealt yet with such strongly dysphoric feelings that come stronger and more unrelentingly the longer you cannot transition. There may be a strong push to depathologize transgenderism--which I also agree with--but all these things do not make transitioning any less of a medical necessity, nor gender dysphoria any less of an affliction for those who deal with it in greater measure.

Instead of being criticized, transgender parents should be applauded for choosing life. It is widely known that transgender persons who transition are often confronted with two choices: To transition, or to end their life. Granted, neither is the what a family would choose for itself. Every family grieves at loss. And transitioning is a difficult road on everyone involved.

Another treatment that can have drastic changes on the body, nobody would want to see their spouse or parent go through the hardship of radiation therapy either. This is not unlike transitioning in certain aspects. Both are medical treatments where the end result is healing. The only difference with transitioning is that the healing is more evident the longer the person is on hormone replacement therapy and/or the more is done to reach the person's gender identification.

It is rare, but spouses have been known to leave each other when dealing with medical situations that cause so much difficulty. I cannot put any blame on a spouse that chooses to walk away when they become too overwhelmed. But this should never affect a parent's right to parent their children. And this is what both my blog post from seven months ago as well as the video I released this past week is about. Please take a moment to watch and to read, and ask yourself the same question I have been since I began traveling this road.