In my last post I said that I felt like Superwoman (although oft in the mismatched guise of Clark Kent). Why? Well, apart from the exaggeratedly nerdy "Kent"-like glasses I put on when I was going to class--think Christopher Reeves Superman movies--I feel like, in my free time, I am making a difference in people's lives--if only a small help to a few people. Since I started posting my video series a month ago on YouTube, I have gained over 100 subscribers and over 3,000 views; Of course this is nothing in comparison to some, but it is the messages and comments I have received that shows me that these people are watching because I give them some small sense of understanding, peace, or strength.
I like to help people. This is one of the reasons I WAS one of Jehovah's Witnesses and went out preaching every day; I really thought I was giving people hope and helping them. But it didn't take me long working at the core of the congregation to realize that what the organization was doing, what the elders were doing, and what every brother and sister is taught to be, is actually detrimental to people's minds and lives--not helpful. This is why I left. Everyone who I left behind will continue to make up their own reasons, and try to call me selfish. But I am telling you all here, the main reason I left is because the worldwide organization of Jehovah's Witnesses is a cesspool of mistreatment, depression, and user dependance no different from that of drug addicts. And I just could not be a part of that.
I feel that since then, however, I have been looking for different things I can do to make a difference in peoples lives. And I never thought it would come from something so simple as just sharing my experiences with other people on YouTube!
So I ask this question of all Jehovah's Witnesses:
Why is it that all I and so many other ex-publishers and unbaptized publishers have to do is look at a camera, open our mouths, and say the first thing that pops into our brains to bring people strength and hope, when all your "theocratic ministry" training is consistently met with apathy?
Before you answer, let me take this just a step further and issue this challenge:
Talk about your life and what your average week is like as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Find "worldly" people to talk to about it. And make a conscious effort to not just say what they tell you to say at meetings or in the publications. Put in the extra thought and effort to dig deep and tell a truly unbiased account of your life: the good and the bad. Tell them the things you like and the things you don't like about being a Witness. Be completely honest. And do it without the intention of converting them. Tell them you just want to talk about your life with someone--make a YouTube video or two even. Then, evaluate the responses. Ask yourself, honestly, if the response would have been the same if you had tried to witness to them. And ask yourself why. Why would anyone show less apathy and more interest in
listening to your life story than they generally are in hearing "the
truth?" Ask yourself, "Is my life experience possibly more valuable in effecting peoples hearts and minds than "Jehovah's" message?" Is it possible that what the Watchtower organization has that is so powerful is not holy spirit, God, or Jesus, but YOU?
Its ok to feel good about yourself, you know. You're not an instrument. The things you have accomplished in your life--even whatever "results" you've had in your witnessing work--are from your own power and intellectual ability, not some abstract God's.
Now I'd just like to share just three of the comments I have received. I will allow you all to make your own judgements as to their power. I can tell you personally, they have brought me a lot of strength; I feel like Superwoman.
Message #1: "You're an inspiration. I came across your videos while on YouTube and want to
thank you SO MUCH for putting your life in the public video eye to tell
your story and to support others who are in a similar situation."
Message #2: "Hello. This is the first time I've ever posted to a
video. I'm a 32yr old bisexual female who was raised as a JW. Obviously
I'm not in the religion at this time. After watching your videos I felt
overwhelming desire to contact you. I was very moved by your story and
felt I could relate to you. Thank you for sharing and please make more
videos."
Message #3: "Thank you so much for uploading this video to YT, I am
Transgendered & also was one of Jehovah's Witnesses, Transgendered
Jehovah's Witnesses are in the org, even if the Governing Body does not
openly talk about brothers and sisters dealing with gender issues,
Jehovah & Christ know the pain transgendered Witnesses have to live
though, your video is of great help to many Witnesses dealing with
gender issues."
And there have been many others... Thank you all for your comments. I am glad to have been able to reach you all and make friends with so many. With the craziness in my life lately, it definitely strengthens me to hear from you.
