But I'm not mad at Dave Chappelle either. He said what he felt he needed to say and he was given a platform to say it. No. At this point I am a mudfish in this river. I feel sad that the world has culminated to this feeding frenzy where emotional vomit feels necessary. That with such surety it can be captured and marketed and it will be consumed. The entire world should be ashamed of themselves, that this felt necessary to anyone.
In the routine, he talks about another comedian friend of his. After applying the word "transphobic" to himself like some sort of purple triangle on his sleeve. The friend he talked about was a trans woman. The late Daphne Dorman.
This trans woman died. She committed suicide several weeks after facing backlash from the trans community for defending Dave Chappelle's work as a comedian. As an art.
That story was real.
So I don't blame him. I don't. It's sad that the cisgender world is either so infatuated or so hateful of trans people that a comedian--who I truly do not believe is transphobic as much as he kept saying it--would have to attack a community that only exists because people refuse to integrate them. This same community also shouldn't exist, because the dogmatic resentment within only adds to it's own trouble integrating.
This is something I say in the very introduction of my book. It's sad that Dave should feel so attacked and grieved that he should express it that way. He was expressing a truth. And truth hurts.
I chose to, by and large, separate myself from the trans community, even though I do still care about the people in it. After being attacked for sharing my views on the priority of particular medical needs of people who have a diagnosis and those who transition, I was attacked, very harshly on one forum. So I quietly retreated. Because I could. It wasn't worth the fight with such angry people who thought suicide prevention wasn't very serious, medical issue.
Not all can back away. Not all have support outside of that community. And this doesn't fall squarely on Dave Chappelle's shoulders. No matter how much, yeah, those jokes hurt me. And they did. I wanted to turn off the TV. I wanted to write something then and there. But I've learned that's not always the best way to handle things.
So I don't blame him. I don't. It's sad that the cisgender world is either so infatuated or so hateful of trans people that a comedian--who I truly do not believe is transphobic as much as he kept saying it--would have to attack a community that only exists because people refuse to integrate them. This same community also shouldn't exist, because the dogmatic resentment within only adds to it's own trouble integrating.
This is something I say in the very introduction of my book. It's sad that Dave should feel so attacked and grieved that he should express it that way. He was expressing a truth. And truth hurts.
I chose to, by and large, separate myself from the trans community, even though I do still care about the people in it. After being attacked for sharing my views on the priority of particular medical needs of people who have a diagnosis and those who transition, I was attacked, very harshly on one forum. So I quietly retreated. Because I could. It wasn't worth the fight with such angry people who thought suicide prevention wasn't very serious, medical issue.
Not all can back away. Not all have support outside of that community. And this doesn't fall squarely on Dave Chappelle's shoulders. No matter how much, yeah, those jokes hurt me. And they did. I wanted to turn off the TV. I wanted to write something then and there. But I've learned that's not always the best way to handle things.
I have no doubt that the woman died because of the rejection of the community. Dave said comedians were her tribe, but it seemed like she was just beginning to find that. If she was truly, obviously transgender. If you could look at her and tell--as I've gotten older, sometimes people can look at me and they know. that's reality--then loosing that community could have killed her. It probably would have if she felt like an outcast in other circles.
Daphne was successful. Daphne tried to integrate, and she became friends with a famous comedian, who thought well enough of her to reach out and offer her gigs. That should be the reality.
This isn't some fad. This isn't the punk community of the 90s where the new, high school kids come in listening to Green Day and tell the people that have been street punks all their lives that they are posers. But actually, sadly, it is sort of like that. A twisted, lethal form of that, with grown adults who do it.
I transitioned to integrate, with the express goal to find places in the community I fit better into. I did not transition for it to become a political statement. I shared my story online because I wanted to be understood. I was looking for friends, not to become some symbol.
The trans community is no longer a support group, like it was when I first entered. It's a survivalist, horrible, angry place to navigate, many times. You have to find small pockets of positive spirit if you want to be a part of it at all.
It's essentially no different than the community I grew up in, as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Just as dogmatic, but with different values.
Many ex JWs commit suicide after being ousted too...
So no. I'm not mad at Dave Chappelle. I'm sad for this world. I'm sad for every person that's culpable, including myself. Trans acceptance absolutely exploded 10 years ago when the small group of trans men and women, began posting our stories on YouTube and other places on the internet. It soon went places we never even expected. Visibility everywhere. And it should be easier than ever now. But the truth is that the "easier" only really seems to come for the most narcissistic of us.The people who would shame and shun members of their own community to their death, for sticking up for someone they considered to be a friend. This is not why I started sharing my story.
If Dave Chappelle is the Devil, then Daphne Dorman is the heroine of this tragedy. And we all live in the Inferno of this cisgender normative world, which for all it's traditions of "beauty is only skin deep" and "don't judge a book by its cover", can't seem put that into actual practice. And if there ever was any original lie--an original serpent and an original sin--that would be it. It is the thing this entire world believes, but is embarrassed they can't actually manifest.
Dave has always done his best work when heckling the priveleged. He knows that, too. Thinking that trans people are priveleged is indicative of all the problems festering in the community, described above. It was a mistake. And he learned that in one of the hardest ways. Or he should have. Because it was his controversy that placed Daphne squarely in that position. And it was the trans community that should have realized that this was something Daphne, probably desperately, needed to laugh about. I know I do sometimes... And it was the pedestals of novel infatuation and bigoted hatred constructed by the world at large for trans people that provided the platform for this entire shitshow, while Daphne was just trying to be herself.
So no. This particular trans woman is not particularly mad at Dave Chappelle. A woman died in the middle of that routine. Turn inward for once, people. Show some self-awareness.
