Being a Woman Is Not a Right... It's a Practice
We often frame gender in legal or medical terms—"the right to be recognized," "access to transition care." And these are important fights. But being a woman is not, fundamentally, a right. It's a practice. It's something you become, not by demanding to be treated a certain way, but by being responsible for others, by contributing to your community, and by showing up again and again.
In this sense, womanhood isn't granted. It’s forged. And just like cis women have had to fight for respect, trans women have to carve out our own space, not by asking permission, but by being.
The Difference Between Expression and Identity
Many trans women, especially those without caregiving roles or community responsibilities, are trapped in cycles of validation through visibility. They are affirmed for their appearance, for how well they "pass," or for how loudly they advocate. But expression is not identity. Validation is not belonging.
Belonging comes when someone depends on you. When someone knows you. When you are irreplaceable in someone’s life. That can come through motherhood, mentorship, activism, partnership, caregiving, or work. But it must come.
When I became a single mother, it wasn't because I was trying to prove myself. It was because there was no one else. That responsibility shaped my identity in a way no amount of affirmation ever could.
From Defensiveness to Moral Agency
Being trans in a hostile world often means learning to defend yourself. But defensiveness isn’t a philosophy. It’s a reflex. And over time, it can become a prison.
True moral agency means speaking not just for yourself, but for others. It means protecting people you love. It means saying when someone is wrong—not just when they hurt you, but when they hurt someone else. That’s what cis women are often socialized into. And that’s what many trans women are never allowed to develop.
But we can develop it. We must. Because that’s how real relationships are formed. That’s how respect is earned, not demanded.
Broader Perspective: Feminist Parallels and Historical Echoes
Throughout history, marginalized women have forged their identities through struggle. Black women, Indigenous women, disabled women—all have faced questions of "authenticity" and exclusion. But over and over again, their womanhood was affirmed not through appeal, but through contribution.
Trans women stand in that same lineage. And we must build our identities not just in opposition to those who exclude us, but in solidarity with those who suffer with us.
“We do not live single-issue lives.” — Audre Lorde
Neither do we form single-issue identities.
From Fear to Freedom
Fear is understandable. So is the desire to be seen. But survival is not enough. Trans womanhood cannot be built on performance. It must be built on participation.
When you are chained next to someone else, what matters is not your category. It is your presence. Your willingness to fight. Your ability to care.
And that is something no one can erase.
Womanhood, like adulthood, is not a title. It's a burden we carry, a role we step into, and a set of moral choices we make. The world might not always welcome us. But if we show up in the raw ways that matter—as caregivers, as moral agents, as people who love fiercely and speak truth without apology—then we will not only be seen.
We will be known.
I began this post with a political cartoon, not just for effect, but because it viscerally captured an enormity of frustrations and contradictions. Marginalized women are too often diverted into lateral conflicts, battling for recognition from peers rather than solidarity against shared systems of oppression. The cartoon shows this clearly: two women pulling the same cart, both burdened, but turning on each other instead of questioning why they’re pulling it at all—or who benefits from their labor.
That image lingered with me because it mirrors what I see all too often in real life: people with aligned interests getting caught up in identity gatekeeping while exploitative powers remain untouched. This little essay, then, is my attempt to break that cycle—to name it, and to challenge it, and to remind us that we’re not each other’s enemies. Perhaps trans women have fallen victim to chasing the wrong goal posts. Perhaps it is the cis women applauding the UK's recent legal redefinition of 'woman' who have been. Either way, we are all fellow travelers, yoked together by forces that want us distracted. It’s time we looked up, looked around, truly unified, and asked why we’re still pulling the damn cart.