It's about relatability.
From the decision to transition and onward, we relate more to certain experiences. Beforehand,for years even. And we want to feel others relate to us. For us, its always been gender which seems to separate us. It has been a plethora of experiences, hammering home that same truth for years and years, that ends with no other choice left but to change how we are looked at as soon as we step into a space.
We know that as soon as we walk through a door we are associated with things we shouldn't be associated with--call it point "A"--and not associated with things that would make us more comfortable (point "B"). And our discomfort from the outset keeps us from changing any of those impressions, which keep coming and making us more and more uncomfortable. There is, basically, too far to travel from point "A" to point "B"., and in between, all relatability is confused, and the very attempts, thrown out the window.
So we know we need to change each meeting, every first impression miles from the mark.
And then, every interaction after that changes, if you can change that.
That is the strong strong feeling. Which, over time, turns into despair, and then into dysphoria. Having transitioned and lived mostly in stealth... that strong feeling I have before this all began has also been my experience. It took some time, and life isn't perfect, but at least I am viewed exactly the way I always related to. And that was always my desire. And from what I see from other's, its their desire too:
To be more relatable.
So think about that.
It's what anyone wants, really. Although maybe others can't relate to feeling that dysphoria and need to transition... the desire to be in an environment or a situation that can make your mindset more relatable *should be*.
And what is a body, but an environment which your mind--your consciousness--has to live in?
To become more relatable should be something anyone can understand. It's not about passing some test for validation, and its not about being a social rebel, fists in the air, fighting for your individuality and rights. Because, when you think about it, both of those things are relatable to people. Everyone knows what its like to have or want a strong sense of self. And everyone knows what its like to,follow, be a part of a group, and feel both needed and needing. Both to be a person, but also part of a whole. Both of these desires require being authentically yourself as well as meeting other people's standards.
So no. It's not about passing, although yeah, it is. And no, its not about authenticity, although yeah, it is.
Its about relatability.
Decades of transgender community discussions and psychological studies and, personally, I think I've summarized it better here than any of those longwinded explanations these groups have been talking about for ages. And I've been both an avid and vocal part of that community in the past, as well as a stealth, ready-to-please, heteronormative conformist trying to avoid political discussion and drama. Both times was just about living a life. And there has been bad and good in both of those experiences. But it is the good, everything that lines up, that causes me to write all this. Gender dysphoria comes from a natural desire to be relatable, but where--historically and dependably--your gender has made that impossible.
Its why after transitioning, so much shock and demand comes, political attempts to compel people to integrate bathrooms and speech, to accommodate and/or to make the culture more gender-diverse. It is also why some trans people go completely stealth, if they can, and/or hide their transgender history from perspective partners. It's all part of that desire to relate. Not for total, unabashed authenticity, and not to pass some unspoken test of femininity or masculinity, and hit every benchmark.
For transgender people, and for most decisions that anyone makes which carry social impact, the hope is for you to relate to me, and that I relate to you, and that we relate to other people and each other. It's all any of it is about.